A Reluctant Bride

"The Bride" by Olga Vasilkova

It occurred to me recently that I am just a few months shy of getting married, yet no one reading this blog would have any way of knowing it. Truth be told, I have been very reticent about posting regarding my upcoming nuptials, and lately I've been picking my brain as to why that is.

Thinking about it, I suppose there are several reasons. One being that I tend to be less personal and more expository in my blogging habits; something I consider neither a good nor bad thing, just a personal preference - I created this blog to show others the things that inspire me, not to dwell too much on who I am exactly. But I suppose the brunt of the reason I have been quiet in this area is that I am a reluctant bride. No, that does not mean that Fiance Kaboom! is hauling me down the aisle, kicking and screaming, with a great gnashing of teeth. I am extremely happy about our marriage - I think it's an important step in our relationship, and an important marker in both of our lives.

So it's not the marrying that has me disconcerted, but the fact that between the time of engagement and marriage, I have been put into this position where I am expected to play the role of the, "Bride To Be." This is something I had not foresee, and frankly am not very comfortable with.

I know there are many, many girls out there that have fantasized about planning their wedding since they could tie their shoelaces, but I have never been one of them. My childhood dreams were always centered around becoming a runaway, starting a rock band, becoming the next great American painter and kazoo player. And if and when I wondered about my future romantic counterpart, I was much too obsessed worrying about the intricacies implied in the idea of ever being able to meet a soul mate than what exactly I would be wearing when me and this rare bird would tie the knot (IF we tied the knot). I never possessed any bridal fantasies - it always just seemed like so much stuff and nonsense in a world full of excitement and adventure.

Now that I find myself in the role of the betrothed, I have discovered our society projects a very clear image of what a woman about to get married should act like and be concerned with, and frankly that list of things deeply concerns me. I watch women on bridal television programs pouring 3-month salaries into dresses they will only wear once, going into near hysterics over the tonal values of hydrangea in their floral arrangements, and frankly, I feel a little queasy. the I think our society puts too much importance on the event of a wedding, and that often all the pomp and circumstance can take away from the true meaning of the day, the personal pledge between two people to be the other's physical and emotional partner for the rest of their lives.

This feeling has not been helped with the matter both me and Fiance Kaboom! have had to proceed in regarding the wedding itself. My family is first generation Italian immigrants, and have very firmly set ideas of what they expect in a wedding. Due to my reticence to make a big deal of anything involving the wedding, I have acquiesced in their wishes to have a much more traditional wedding than I may have chosen for myself. So I find myself filling bridal shoes I never quite anticipated for myself, and predictably chafing.

I know I am alone in my reactionary feelings toward traditional bridal roles - countless websites and articles about couples breaking away from the typical wedding protocol being thrust upon them confirm this fact. But I also wonder how many girls are in the same position I am - basically, trying to fill the traditional bride role, but being a little disillusioned and uncomfortable with it at the same time. That is a side you don't really read much about in the wedding magazines (magazines which I refuse to go near with the aversion of a vampire to garlic).

So this is how I have been feeling, and it bothers me that my natural reaction has been to turn away from writing about it, rather than dealing with it in the online forum available to me where my input could help someone sharing my same concerns, or even help me deal with some of these issues about being a reluctant bride.

Anyway, I just wanted to throw it out there. What are your thoughts about the bride role? Are you comfortable with it? If not, how did you deal with it, or how do you intend to deal with it in the future?